Let go of people who aren’t ready to love you.
The words below from Sir Anthony Hopkins are particularly powerful. On reading them, I was reminded of a conversation over a year ago between myself and my own coach, Bruce. During our chat about general ‘busyness’, it became apparent that I was metaphorically beating myself up for ‘not keeping in touch’ with people as much as I thought I should. His gentle, but firm reminder to me was that whilst it is of course important to reach out and connect, it was also important to consider that not all the onus should be on me and my keeping in touch with others. They too have responsibility to keep you in mind.
At the end of our call, he set me a small but simple challenge. I was to write down 14 people who I had been thinking about and who I wanted to chat to but hadn’t had the time, and I was to give each of them a call before our next coaching session. I rose to this gamification tactic and spoke to every one. Turns out, many had been feeling the exact same way – because – as we know – we’re all busy navigating life and all it throws at us. Your energy is precious and this piece of writing sums that up well.
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Let go of people who aren’t ready to love you.
This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing.
Stop having difficult conversations with people who don’t want to change.
Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence.
I know your instinct is to do everything you can to gain the appreciation of those around you, but it’s an impulse that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you to that place. That doesn’t mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren’t ready to be with you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life. Truth is, you’re not for everyone and not everyone is for you. This is what makes it so special when you find people that you have friendship or love matched.
You will know how precious it is because you’ve experienced what it isn’t.
There are billions of people on this planet and a lot of them you will find at your level of interest and commitment.
Maybe if you stop showing up, they won’t look for you.
Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.
Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks.
That doesn’t mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing that was holding it was the energy that only you gave to keep it. That’s not love, that’s attachment.
It’s giving a chance to those who don’t deserve it! You deserve so much more.
The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy as both are limited. The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence.
When you realize this you start to understand why you’re so anxious when you spend time with people, activities or spaces that don’t suit you and shouldn’t be near you.
You’ll start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you, is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. Make your life a safe haven, in which only people “compatible” with you are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone. It’s not your responsibility to convince them to improve. It’s not your job to exist for people and give them your life.
You deserve real friendships, true commitments, and complete love with healthy, prosperous people. Deciding to distance yourself from harmful people, will give you the love, esteem, happiness and protection you deserve.
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If you ever want a chat about about the task set to me by Bruce or his words of wisdom then I’m always available to chat and you can book in to one of my free agency leaders sessions on a Wednesday morning.
Andy.